So there is a lot going on in my life right now. First off, Bailey and I are pregnant. Well more her than me, but I am in it too. The first trimester is less than a week from being over. This is exciting! A baby is coming. It seems like the chance of miscarriage and other troubles have mainly past. This Monday we have a meeting with the midwife and we will start with blood test and such. I don't really know what all tests we will be taking. Bailey is doing a lot of research and I am not doing as much. They say that the whole baby thing is real for the Mom as soon as they know they are pregnant and that the guys don't really grasp everything until after the birth. I'm not sure about that. This is all pretty damn real to me right now. Life is coming at me fast and I am trying to figure out how to handle it. Right now the whole birthing thing isn't really tripping me out too much, probably because I am not the one growing this baby. I think that birth ordeal is going to work out pretty good. I was born at home and so were my brother and sister. I have memories of when both of them were born. I know that Bailey is strong enough and healthy enough to do this.
There are other aspects of the incoming baby that are keeping me up at night. How the hell am I going to pay for this? Will I get hired for a full time teaching position this fall? It seems like this is something that is going to come down to the wire. There is a possibility that I get hired the day before school starts. How do I prepare for that? More important, How do I prepare for if I don't get hired? My feelings towards being an educator are so mixed right now. It seems like every connection i had in the school system isn't giving me any hope. I had a really good relationship to the person in Metro's human resource department that hired the high school teachers. He died last week.
I work with his wife at the shop. Yesterday was her first day back after he passed. After I gave her a warm hug the first thing she said was, "I guess you don't have an in with Metro any more." I couldn't believe that with everything she had going on she remembered that her husband was my in and I was counting on him. Right now I am thinking that I am about to bring a baby into the world that will be counting on me.
Deaths always change my frame of thoughts for a short period of time. For a twenty-something year old guy I have way to many homies that have passed away. It always reminds me life is precious. A gift that is taken away easily and for no reason. One of my friends is up in Michigan for his grandfather's funeral. I texted him to go ride this afternoon and he responded that he had to make the trip we had talked about earlier this week. His grandfather's health was fading quickly and he knew a trip up there would be days away. In one of his texts today, he responded, "Death of the Grandpa." I told him that I hoped he was making the best of it with his family and to celebrate life (Is that some cliche bs to say?). He responded with, "Celebrate birth." I didn't know what to say back, so a smiling face was the only thing sent back. I was smiling so I figured that was appropriate.
:)
Today is the first day of the second trimester! Earlier this week we had a meeting with the mid-wife and heard the little one's heartbeat. It's crazy. That brought it a little closer to being a reality for me. I know there is a baby coming, but so far it hasn't changed my life too much. I am super excited though. So far I have read that when the woman is giving birth the pain comes in waves. I think my emotions are in waves. Sometimes I am so excited and cant even think of any problems with raising a baby. Other times I can't stop thinking about worrisome things. Money, health, jobs, where we live( will live) and will my life ever be what it used to be. All these things hit me hard, out of nowhere. Thankfully, without any reason, I jump back to feeling at peace with everything. Lately, I have been playing with my buddies son, Elijah. He is one of the raddest 2 year old kids and makes me excited for the joy Bailey and I have ahead of us. 
Bailey and I are a few day away from our 4 year anniversary. I think it is wild how much we have grown together. I think that this picture is the first one of us together. I was 21 and she was 19. Geez.....kids.
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